Slow People

The family is sick so I had to stop at the market on the way home yesterday to do some quick grocery shopping for the week. Just the basics so I can survive. It's 5:30 on a Tuesday afternoon and people are in there lollie-gagging like they don't have anything better to do. I, for one, do have something better to do. I suggest you slow people shop Sunday morning when people are more relaxed.

I start at the veggie side and work my way back to the deli/bakery side. Just how I do it. However, I parked on the deli/bakery side. I am too OCD to go backwards so I need to cross the store, with my empty cart, but I seem to encounter slow and indecisive people at each aisle. If they hesitate... I GO! I bump through the veggie section at warp speed... and head toward cereal... encounter a couple of more slow people but still doing ok. Oh ya, a couple of ladies yapping in the veggie section were blocking the carrots... but I just reached right around them to grab my five bags of 2 pounders! Another IDIOT has left her purse, OPEN, in her shopping cart, and I don't see anybody with any twenty feet. Glad I am not a thief because that is so inviting it must be a sting operation! It's like the lady wants her wallet stolen so she has an excuse to go buy another one!

I hit the yogurt aisle and encounter a couple of young muscle heads trying to decipher the differences between different yogurts. Ok, that's part of shopping so I don't have ill will for them. I grab a bag of 2% string cheese without even stopping and head toward the bakery/deli/sushi/etc... aisle....

DAMN! Looks like Costco on a Saturday afternoon! One older guy is standing around eating samples of something and BLOCKING a main point of travel. One lady is talking on her cell phone and steering the cart one-handed... and not very well I might add. One lady is in a wheelchair shopping cart thing but props to her because she stays to the side and does her biz without interfering with my progress.

I have to get Kitty Kat her Diet Coke. They have a fountain at the end of the bakery/deli aisle so I stop there. Unfortunately, you now have to pay ahead of time for a cup. EVERYTHING ELSE in the store you select first and then pay... except fountain drinks. Who the F made up that policy? That is just stupid. If I was a shoplifter and wanted to lift something you think I am going to take a mother f'ing Diet F'ing Coke? It's like a dollar and twenty two cents.

So, I wait in the quick check line which is completely separate from the rest of the checkout lanes. It's where you pay for sushi, Chinese, etc... AND Diet Coke cups! I am third in line in this "quick" check lane. Are you kidding me? The lady in front is taking 5 minutes to pay for her baguette. She isn't sure which phone number links to her frequent shopper account. Need to save a nickle and get credit for this trip to the story!? I am literally thinking of paying for the f'ing bread to get her on her way. She finally figures out the phone number, pays, and then gets her change. I think it took her 2 minutes to put her change back into her wallet. Props to her for not writing a check (I could write a whole blog about people who write checks at the grocery store) but give me a break... step aside, cram the money in your wallet, and get walking. Don't forget, it's RUSH HOUR BABY! Some of us have lives to get home too... not just Oprah on the f'ing DVR.

Ok, so the baguette lady pays and then the lady in front of me is paying for 3 things of sushi. It looks like a pound or two of cheap sushi. I have a hunch she will eat it all. Anyway, $14.58 for her cheap supermarket sushi. She punches in her phone number to get her frequent shopper credit... then, after the checker is done ringing up the sale... and this really gets me, she unzips her purse, pulls out her wallet, opens it up, pulls out a crumbled up bill (again props for not writing a check), unfolds it... and gives the lady her $20. I don't know about you but I have had my two ones in hand for 5 minutes waiting to pay because I don't want to waste OTHER people's time behind me. Be courteous by being ready to pay for your food (this applies at all stores people). Take your time on Sunday morning but not at 5:30 Tuesday afternoon! I give the lady my two bucks, grab the change, and head toward the main check out lines....

As I head toward the check out I see some people angling for lanes... and guess what... TWO, yes, I said TWO people jump in front of me; one at aisle 5 and one at aisle 6... I fall in line at #6 because I am in a hurry but don't want to be totally rude about it. My checker is quick, I enter my phone number to get my United bonus miles, 10 cent per gallon fuel discount and who knows what else... and then I swipe the credit card. I whip a sloppy "J" onto the touch pad and head toward the parking lot with my food!

Moral of this story... slow people need to shop some other time!

Peace out.